~ Totally Cazzie ~

For a number of years I’ve *ALLOWED people to treat me however they want due to me being ”Gay”, It’s not a problem that I’m gay to me, I’ve accepted who I am. But to them its a problem? they always come out with ‘Oh no I’ve got no problem with you being gay’ when they clearly have!. Face to face when we’re alone your all smiles laughter and have no cares in the world. But the second someone else steps into the picture like another friend or just random strangers! your always giving the cold shoulder and throwing shifty remarks my direction. I’m not a contagious disease, For god sakes I’m gay, I’ve not got HIV or Aids or anything like that, I’m just like you!. Sometimes I wonder to myself when people throw in all their religious babble which is (HATE), I think well if there even is a god, And you say he is who he is then who do you think will be sent to hell? Me for loving? or you for spreading hate?. I’ve noticed a lot of people only use religion to suit there *personal standards of living. They twist & turn words out of the bible to suit them & make them feel happy about themselves? yet again don’t think your oh so precious god would be happy about that do you?.

Anyway friends is another sore subject, I’m just done being there for people giving my all and going out of my way to help & just be there for them in general, but the second I really need someone to talk to about private personal things, I can honestly say I don’t have a one friend I can trust with the valuable private personal information about myself. So yeah I can say hand on heart none of my so called friends are there for me when I really need them. But that’s not the worst thing in the world I’ve always got by on my own. I don’t need anyone there for me I think it would just be nice for a change.

I’m way to nice of a person but it seems you don’t get anywhere in this world by being nice to people. So as of the start of the new years I’ve resorted back to being the old teenage me again. Where I don’t give a F**k about people & their feelings towards me, People can view my life however which way they choose to. They can cast their opinions, Good, Bad & The Very Ugly but at the end of the day all they are is words. They don’t affect me in the slightest any more and I’m totally done caring. I don’t know why I was so caring towards people and so affectionate and its not gone anywhere really its still there deep down I’m just not making it known or visible any more.

I thought this new year would be a fresh start for me to do ME! which it has been doing and I’m grateful for just being alive to tell the truth. But at the same time the people I’m surrounded by are just doing the same thing they was doing last year, and I have no time for those people any more like they had no time for me when I was at my lowest last year. Anyway not going to be a repeat year of last year this year, I’m moving on with life and if you thought you was important to me then this year your really going to have a shock because my main priority is me and will always be me. Leaving the past in the past and holding a very open mind towards the present & my future.

Anyway I’ve posted a song that is very fitting with my mood and state right now its by Nicki Minaj of her new PLATINUM album Pink Friday called *Save Me* So please give it a listen & enjoy it. Signing Out … Cazzie K x

I’m just lay here 7.40AM in the morning and I’ve been up all night unable to sleep because I have a mdeical examination today which I have not been looking forward to at all!. Probably like most people don’t like to go to their medical examinations. It’s something that has to be done anyway! The sooner I get it over with the better. They are the reason I haven’t slept tonight I was tossing & turning for a couple hours because of the stress of thinking about it all so I just thought to myself forget it I might aswell stay up at this time and just sleep either whn I get home?, or stay awake until night time and get back into a routine!. MY SLEEPING PATTERN is way off balance at the moment! Anyway only wanted to keep this short and sweet will post a DEEP post soon VERY TRUTHFUL but a very sensitive topic for me… Anyway look forward to typing it up bck soon .. Cazzie K xoxo

Okay so I was very reluctant to make this post but it has to be done!. I’m sick to death of these straight guys thinking they can holla at me on the DL keeping there freaky shit on the Hush Hush!.

I’m sorry but if you for one second think I’m going to be your little thing on the side from your personal relationship with your woman then you got another thing coming because it ain’t going to happen. Now don’t get me wrong in 2010 ”Straight/Bisexual” dudes is all I played with, Because at that time it was fun, something to do & kill time. I never expect a relationship from these kind of situations (That’s Just STUPID!) these are guys that are SEX CRAZED, Experimenting, Sexually Frustrated or just guys that are not being sexually fulfilled by their women at home. Guys are guys there going to find sex where ever they can. Does it make him for having SEX With me? Hell No it don’t! Anal/Oral sex does not & should not determine someone’s sexual identification, What makes a MAN gay is if he’s in a same sex relationship I.E (Man/Man) that determines a individuals sexuality not what kind of sex act they do/get. I’m sick of people getting that confused too.

It seems to me now a days these straight guys are just sexually curious about having that experience with a guy, which I don’t knock! hey if you’ve tried it at least you can REALLY say what you do/don’t like and at least you’ll have your ‘Sexual Recognition’ to the point where your secure in your sexuality and who you are. Too many! straight guys act as if they wouldn’t touch me or wouldn’t befriend me, but secretly I’ve been getting it off them for the longest like WTF!? Now that’s a shallow insecure individual you need to AVOID!, Yeah the sex might be good but you can’t be the butt of the joke just to satisfy their social standards!.

Yes I’m a *QUEEN & I expect to be treated like one! STANDARD (LOL). But in all seriousness, I’ve enjoyed these straight guys over the years & been so nice in respecting that they want to keep it private, BUT if you think your going to do me wrong at the same time you got me twisted up in the game honey because it ain’t going down like that NOT NOW, NOT NEVER!. So yeah treat me/us right if you want your ”Experience”, Don’t act all shady to us and try disrespecting us. I know a lot of gay people EVEN WOMEN that have this same problem. So yeah ”STRAIGHT DUDES” - *Treat Us Right* …. With that I’m signing out hope you enjoyed LOL … * Cazzie K x